Hello lovely people
Is staying busy a solution to grief? As with everything else that relates to bereavement, you know what the answer is for you. Or do you?
For some people staying busy is a means of escaping the various questions that are raised by the bereavement experience. But do they succeed?
When a person dies, those remaining behind respond in different ways. They could bargain with themselves, and in effect say “well, he/she has been away before and I managed by staying busy. I will do it again this time until they return.” But the dead person will not return to their body. When that reality sinks in, the initial questions will still be unanswered. On top of that, the remaining person may have physical symptoms of that suppressed grief.
The person remaining behind may also use lots of activity as a means of expressing their anger at the deceased for leaving them behind, anger at God for letting them remain behind, or anger at themselves for carrying various strong emotions related to their bereavement. All the activity in the world will not resolve this anger. Understanding and acknowledging the anger will be the first step towards resolving it.
Of course the remaining person could assume a shadow self called the “distracter”. If the person had a traumatic past experience which they resolved successfully by distracting attention away from themselves, they will fall back on this behaviour during a bereavement experience. Of course the behaviour will no longer be appropriate because the person is no longer a small child. However, it takes painful experience to realise this.
All this does not mean that grieving is better when you sit in a heap and do nothing. On the contrary. Just remember that being maniacally busy as a means of escaping grief will not work. Embracing that grief and understanding why you are having the grief experience is the solution.
Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am a professional transition coach. I help individuals and businesses to achieve their personal and commercial objectives. What is the one thing which is consuming your energy at the moment? Visit www.ElsabeSmit.com for a FREE new start audit and a FREE Food for Thought subscription.